Growing Old...
time, the ever merciless flowing...
time is passing by the second as i type here, recounting in my mind the life i'm living and the time tat has passed me by...
looking back, i feel very old, being 25 in 37 days time, but i seriously think i havent grown up... i've been stagnating at tat level which i was at 7 yrs back, when i was 18, my mental age seems to have stopped there... or maybe i still cant shake off the memories from tat age... the carefreeness, the friendships, the family bliss... to think of it, it was also then which i came to Hope, to know Jesus... i've grown in God over the yrs and tat i'm sure of but i believe y i felt tat i havent grown is because i've turned back to the godless mental state i was in, in tat perspective, i havent grown a bit... y am i back to tat point? fear and selfishness seems to be the answer, i fear, i fear disappointment, and i'm selfish, i want things for myself... i'm unwilling to give, unwilling to grow...
but over this period, i'm learning to let go bit by bit, its a struggle, but i believe it will benefit me... praying for God to show me His truth all over again and to bring me back into His presence... i really need Him to fill tat God-shaped vacum in my heart, before i'm consume by tat loneliness... God fill my heart, Oh Lord, fill my mind, Oh Jesus, be my strength, Oh Holy Spirit, stir my soul...
this is a totally random post, my mind is in confusion as i typed, but this is the real me, the real KC...
time is passing by the second as i type here, recounting in my mind the life i'm living and the time tat has passed me by...
looking back, i feel very old, being 25 in 37 days time, but i seriously think i havent grown up... i've been stagnating at tat level which i was at 7 yrs back, when i was 18, my mental age seems to have stopped there... or maybe i still cant shake off the memories from tat age... the carefreeness, the friendships, the family bliss... to think of it, it was also then which i came to Hope, to know Jesus... i've grown in God over the yrs and tat i'm sure of but i believe y i felt tat i havent grown is because i've turned back to the godless mental state i was in, in tat perspective, i havent grown a bit... y am i back to tat point? fear and selfishness seems to be the answer, i fear, i fear disappointment, and i'm selfish, i want things for myself... i'm unwilling to give, unwilling to grow...
but over this period, i'm learning to let go bit by bit, its a struggle, but i believe it will benefit me... praying for God to show me His truth all over again and to bring me back into His presence... i really need Him to fill tat God-shaped vacum in my heart, before i'm consume by tat loneliness... God fill my heart, Oh Lord, fill my mind, Oh Jesus, be my strength, Oh Holy Spirit, stir my soul...
this is a totally random post, my mind is in confusion as i typed, but this is the real me, the real KC...
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