Emotions Avalanche
well i shd be aslp now actually, but i just cant get to slp... lots of emotions going thru me now... feeling very negative... a series of events happened today since noon tat really spoiled the whole week... actually maybe it started from wed nite, wat happened today seems to be an extension from wat happened on wed nite...
was basically overwhelmed on wed nite by the limitations i face especially in terms of time available when i had to rush back to camp after the movie and dinner session... felt very stressed thru out the whole dinner session... was struggling every second of it... on one hand i wanna spend as much time with the ppl as possible, on the other hand i need to leave as soon as possible so as not to be late in going back to camp, din want to leave early, but yet hope they wld end soon... it was a time of struggle and anxiety... felt very drained as i rushed back to camp, i tot i recovered from such a feeling on the nite itself as i rested on my bed in camp, but looks like it just took only a back seat...
such a struggle and anxiety was felt again today... needing to allocate time for work, for social/spiritual obligations and for personal/social passion... decided to give the u bash a miss due to the nature of it (a museum visit at changi - i must admit i totally do not see the value of such an event) instead i spent the time fruitfully finishing up the bulk of my work for my officer due this friday... part of this decision was based on the knowledge tat my CG is planning some further outing after the u bash, my plan was to skip u bash but still join my CG... however, apparently some individual wasnt very pleased nor accepting of my decision, and some exchange of sms-es with the person left me emotionally negative, pushing towards the kind of struggle and anxiety i mentioned earlier... think tat turned everything upside down for me for the day... and the whole evening felt totally wasted, but thankfully the nite salvaged it a bit... the original plan of 1-4: work(in place of u bash), 4-8: cg outing, 8-10: time with treasured frens became 1-3: work, 3-6: lost in transition(trying hard to calm my emotions), 6-8: dinner alone(cos i wasnt able to calm my emotions due to some happenings), 8-9: mental detachment(lost in tots and emotions), 9-11: quality time with treasured frens(though not personal time), 11-3: escapism and denial... even till now my emotions have not settled down, which explains the negativity and incoherentness of this entry... hope things will be better after a rest... haiz... time is really a very valuable commodity... i really need more time...
was basically overwhelmed on wed nite by the limitations i face especially in terms of time available when i had to rush back to camp after the movie and dinner session... felt very stressed thru out the whole dinner session... was struggling every second of it... on one hand i wanna spend as much time with the ppl as possible, on the other hand i need to leave as soon as possible so as not to be late in going back to camp, din want to leave early, but yet hope they wld end soon... it was a time of struggle and anxiety... felt very drained as i rushed back to camp, i tot i recovered from such a feeling on the nite itself as i rested on my bed in camp, but looks like it just took only a back seat...
such a struggle and anxiety was felt again today... needing to allocate time for work, for social/spiritual obligations and for personal/social passion... decided to give the u bash a miss due to the nature of it (a museum visit at changi - i must admit i totally do not see the value of such an event) instead i spent the time fruitfully finishing up the bulk of my work for my officer due this friday... part of this decision was based on the knowledge tat my CG is planning some further outing after the u bash, my plan was to skip u bash but still join my CG... however, apparently some individual wasnt very pleased nor accepting of my decision, and some exchange of sms-es with the person left me emotionally negative, pushing towards the kind of struggle and anxiety i mentioned earlier... think tat turned everything upside down for me for the day... and the whole evening felt totally wasted, but thankfully the nite salvaged it a bit... the original plan of 1-4: work(in place of u bash), 4-8: cg outing, 8-10: time with treasured frens became 1-3: work, 3-6: lost in transition(trying hard to calm my emotions), 6-8: dinner alone(cos i wasnt able to calm my emotions due to some happenings), 8-9: mental detachment(lost in tots and emotions), 9-11: quality time with treasured frens(though not personal time), 11-3: escapism and denial... even till now my emotions have not settled down, which explains the negativity and incoherentness of this entry... hope things will be better after a rest... haiz... time is really a very valuable commodity... i really need more time...
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