Spiritual Bday
I was just reminded by an SMS tat its my Spiritual Bday today, in other words, i've been born into the family of God for 8 yrs now, and i've also been attending Hope Church Singapore for 8 years, tats counting my 6 months stint in Brunei lol
Just tot i shd reflect about how has these 8 years changed me. Seriously to a very large extent, i cannot remember how i used to be like before i came to know God. That is not cos memory has failed me, but it was cos i nvr had a proper assessment of myself back then. I was mainly a day-dreamer, i spent my bulk of my life indulging in console gaming since my pri sch days, and basking in the accomplishments i have in the games, living more or less on the fantasies of grandeur as the hero in the game world. I liked to play games and enjoy out-smarting the systems and beating the games, esp those that involved puzzle solving. I led much of an aimless life where sch was just all play and cruzing along in terms of work, i nvr worked in excellence, i always throw in the bare minimum and rush off to my game world. I wld go to means in order to satisfy my gaming needs, including backmailing my own brother. I used to hold my secrets or wrong things tat my brother did in ransom for sometimes actual cash, sweets or snacks, or even for gaming time at home on the super nintendo my dad bought for us, i was literally a scheming devil. Why? well cos i dun keep my part of the bargain at times, whenever we get into a quarrel, i will still tell on my brother when my parents try to resolve the quarrel, its really the ultimate back-stabbing. I can of course easily dismiss it as me being childish and stuff, but I have to admit that such evil schemes are very much a part of me, I was too smart in these areas for my own good. That's the dark KC...
In pri sch i was very much of a spoilt brat, things i remember vividly wld be trying to bully my classmates, and demanding i get to kick off every ball in a soccer game cos i paid for the ball LOL... ooooh i feel ashamed at the thought of me ever doing that, it was total foolishness.
In sec sch i was very much of a ah-beng-wannabe, things i remember vividly wld be bossing my classmates ard with my weight, LITERALLY throwing my weight about, and getting into fights for small matters of certain pride issues, gambling with real money, but well only did that once in sch and i actually won $10 home on playing Big2... i was very much of a rotten egg, but i seldom get into problem with the sch authorities, my every absence from sch is usually covered by a letter from my mum, which i personally drafted and my mum just signs it without knowing what its about :P scheming and deciving wld most probably have been my favourite hobbies back then, but its also during this time that I learnt to be loyal to my friends.
In JC i was just back to the average teenager, trying to get hitched badly but to no avail, guess i wasnt "bad" enuff and also i wasnt rich enuff hahaha, well but really glad for that 1st gal who rejected me straight in the face lol, cos it was during that time of depression that i turned to my best pal for comfort, i had no idea he was a Christ follower, but that period was when he 1st joined Hope too, it was really God's timing, he had nvr spoke to me about God before that, but I've alrdy heard much in CHS and CJC, but what was different was the prayers. I can remember vividly that one of my meet ups with him near my place, i shared abt the experience and was about to break into tears, and he offered to pray for me. That prayer may have been the one that actually changed my life, for at that moment i felt a peace that i have never known and my whole being was comforted, that was my 1st experience with God. Not long after that he invited me for my 1st service in Hope and i came to know God after experiencing the peace again during the service, its not anything that is human and i was convinced then that God must be with this church.
I went on to learn to love God and also to love ppl genuinely, no longer for my own gain. I grow to become more willing to learn, slightly more humble though my pride in my own intellect do get the better of me at times still. I learn to care for others genuinely. I rose up the "ranks" and even took care of a small grp in one point of time, but i broke down after a while under the mental pressure that i'm responsible for those lives and souls under my care, i guess that was one area in which i did not grow in, trusting in God's strength instead of my own. I was very much still relying on the natural strength that God has alrdy blessed me with instead of His spiritual strength which i now have access to. I failed that test of faith and i guess it caused quite a strong mark in my heart still, even to this day.
I've also grown in terms of speech, i was a really tactless person, blunt and hurting most of the time, but i have grown wiser in my choice of speech. I've also grown in terms of skill, from a music idiot to a decent amateur guitarist. On top of these, i had kicked the addiction to gaming, the habit of backmailing and scheming against my brother, and also to love my parents at a deeper level. There was once i did a sort of a personality test which had this question about having a castle which u entered and u have to answered what to u carry out of the castle. My answer was a sword, and the explanation of the question was that the way u view the castle is the way u view ur family. A fren made that comment that she thought of the Word of God aka the Sword of the Spirit when i spoke of taking out a sword from the castle, but my own view and understanding was that i had always view my home like a "equipment shop" plus "inn" in RPG terms. It was to me more of a place to rest and to provide for my needs, this was cos my parents were both working and i was very much left to fend for myself and i guess all my RPG playing added to that idea. But now i treasure my family more, though relationships havent improved by very much, esp with my dad and brothers, but i'm now much closer to my mum. I'm also growing in love and acceptance for my family in general.
All in all, think i've grown in quite some areas, yet i cant really pinpoint them and describe them well, but also the sad thing is that i have yet to hear friends exclaim to me "hey KC, what happened to u?" in the positive sense, really hope to grow in more tangible areas in the future years with the Jesus and the Holy Spirit leading me on, for the namesake of Christ.
Just tot i shd reflect about how has these 8 years changed me. Seriously to a very large extent, i cannot remember how i used to be like before i came to know God. That is not cos memory has failed me, but it was cos i nvr had a proper assessment of myself back then. I was mainly a day-dreamer, i spent my bulk of my life indulging in console gaming since my pri sch days, and basking in the accomplishments i have in the games, living more or less on the fantasies of grandeur as the hero in the game world. I liked to play games and enjoy out-smarting the systems and beating the games, esp those that involved puzzle solving. I led much of an aimless life where sch was just all play and cruzing along in terms of work, i nvr worked in excellence, i always throw in the bare minimum and rush off to my game world. I wld go to means in order to satisfy my gaming needs, including backmailing my own brother. I used to hold my secrets or wrong things tat my brother did in ransom for sometimes actual cash, sweets or snacks, or even for gaming time at home on the super nintendo my dad bought for us, i was literally a scheming devil. Why? well cos i dun keep my part of the bargain at times, whenever we get into a quarrel, i will still tell on my brother when my parents try to resolve the quarrel, its really the ultimate back-stabbing. I can of course easily dismiss it as me being childish and stuff, but I have to admit that such evil schemes are very much a part of me, I was too smart in these areas for my own good. That's the dark KC...
In pri sch i was very much of a spoilt brat, things i remember vividly wld be trying to bully my classmates, and demanding i get to kick off every ball in a soccer game cos i paid for the ball LOL... ooooh i feel ashamed at the thought of me ever doing that, it was total foolishness.
In sec sch i was very much of a ah-beng-wannabe, things i remember vividly wld be bossing my classmates ard with my weight, LITERALLY throwing my weight about, and getting into fights for small matters of certain pride issues, gambling with real money, but well only did that once in sch and i actually won $10 home on playing Big2... i was very much of a rotten egg, but i seldom get into problem with the sch authorities, my every absence from sch is usually covered by a letter from my mum, which i personally drafted and my mum just signs it without knowing what its about :P scheming and deciving wld most probably have been my favourite hobbies back then, but its also during this time that I learnt to be loyal to my friends.
In JC i was just back to the average teenager, trying to get hitched badly but to no avail, guess i wasnt "bad" enuff and also i wasnt rich enuff hahaha, well but really glad for that 1st gal who rejected me straight in the face lol, cos it was during that time of depression that i turned to my best pal for comfort, i had no idea he was a Christ follower, but that period was when he 1st joined Hope too, it was really God's timing, he had nvr spoke to me about God before that, but I've alrdy heard much in CHS and CJC, but what was different was the prayers. I can remember vividly that one of my meet ups with him near my place, i shared abt the experience and was about to break into tears, and he offered to pray for me. That prayer may have been the one that actually changed my life, for at that moment i felt a peace that i have never known and my whole being was comforted, that was my 1st experience with God. Not long after that he invited me for my 1st service in Hope and i came to know God after experiencing the peace again during the service, its not anything that is human and i was convinced then that God must be with this church.
I went on to learn to love God and also to love ppl genuinely, no longer for my own gain. I grow to become more willing to learn, slightly more humble though my pride in my own intellect do get the better of me at times still. I learn to care for others genuinely. I rose up the "ranks" and even took care of a small grp in one point of time, but i broke down after a while under the mental pressure that i'm responsible for those lives and souls under my care, i guess that was one area in which i did not grow in, trusting in God's strength instead of my own. I was very much still relying on the natural strength that God has alrdy blessed me with instead of His spiritual strength which i now have access to. I failed that test of faith and i guess it caused quite a strong mark in my heart still, even to this day.
I've also grown in terms of speech, i was a really tactless person, blunt and hurting most of the time, but i have grown wiser in my choice of speech. I've also grown in terms of skill, from a music idiot to a decent amateur guitarist. On top of these, i had kicked the addiction to gaming, the habit of backmailing and scheming against my brother, and also to love my parents at a deeper level. There was once i did a sort of a personality test which had this question about having a castle which u entered and u have to answered what to u carry out of the castle. My answer was a sword, and the explanation of the question was that the way u view the castle is the way u view ur family. A fren made that comment that she thought of the Word of God aka the Sword of the Spirit when i spoke of taking out a sword from the castle, but my own view and understanding was that i had always view my home like a "equipment shop" plus "inn" in RPG terms. It was to me more of a place to rest and to provide for my needs, this was cos my parents were both working and i was very much left to fend for myself and i guess all my RPG playing added to that idea. But now i treasure my family more, though relationships havent improved by very much, esp with my dad and brothers, but i'm now much closer to my mum. I'm also growing in love and acceptance for my family in general.
All in all, think i've grown in quite some areas, yet i cant really pinpoint them and describe them well, but also the sad thing is that i have yet to hear friends exclaim to me "hey KC, what happened to u?" in the positive sense, really hope to grow in more tangible areas in the future years with the Jesus and the Holy Spirit leading me on, for the namesake of Christ.
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." ~~ Psalm 23:3b
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home